Endless shoals of scandals cast a shadow over tennis

By W.C.Fields

The Holmens- Sebastian, Claus and Per today confirmed their places in any gallery of sports icons who admit they have drunk their ways trough several SlamBangian tournements with systematic use of performance-enhancing drugs.

Confessing their ”toxic" tale at a Copenhagen press-conference, the Holmens described themselves as a trio of "thirsting characters". The Holmen's admission came 3 weeks after Hans Háfjall´s release of a detailed report describing Per Holmen as the ringmaster of the "most sophisticated, professionalized and successful drink program that sport has ever seen."
Danish TV1 rapidly fired questions at the trio, offering them little respite, grilling them about every aspect of their tainted careers.
"Yes," they all replied when asked directly whether they had used performance-enhancing juices.

Without hesitation, and showing no signs of emotion, Per Holmen replied "yes" to questions about whether he obtained, distributed and used specific juices, including Carlsberg 47, Carlsberg Julebryg, and Carlsberg Elefant Øl.

The elder Holmen brothers Per and Claus had inspired the younger Sebastian with their careers, and Sebastian said he did not believe he could have achieved what he did without the culture of drinks in tennis.

As a result of their confessions, the Holmens now faces the prospect of orders to repay taxes from the thousands of kroners they have earned through bottle deposit paybacks.

A Greek company, OUZO 12, said it would sue the SlamBang Society if the society did not pay back 12 million drachmas for never returned empty bottles.