Danish athlete accused af massive use of performance-enchasing appetizers

Semiretired oldtimer wants to ‘move forward’
BY ANDREW WAGNER THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

Hellerup, Denmark — Yorgos Rasmussios alias Jørn Æble Rasmussen ended his silence Wednesday, speaking to the media for the first time since 2010.

Rasmussen was out shopping underpants at Hellerup, the kind of a Miami Beach of Copenhagen - and said he was “deeply remorseful” for his actions but declined to offer specific answers but: “Åhhr hold din kæft!” (shut up!) to most questions.

“The goal for me is just being able to move forward without doing in my pants,” Rasmussen said. “I wish that I could go back and change things but I don’t have that opportunity to do that, so I’m just going to do everything in my power to keep myselve clean.”

In 2010 Rasmussen was one of a handful SlamBangian tennis stars taking part in the doping scandals surrounding the Fuerteventura 2010 Open Tennis Championships.

Samples from Ramussens underpants tested the tennis star positive for caffeine, sangria, rum, whiskey and necotin when participating at the Fuerteventura tournement. but his 50-tournement suspension was overturned when an arbitrator ruled that the faeces sample was mishandled at expanded rotation speed at laundry.

Rasmussen had earlier called tennis´ joint drug agreement “fatally flawed” and suggesting players are “100 per cent guilty until proven innocent.”

In seven seasons, Rasmussen established himself as one of tennis’s brightest stars and appeared in 24 consecutive SlamBangian tournements from 2003 to 2010.

Is Tennis close to disaster ?

Prediction of a SlamBangian meltdown

By Boris Becker, PruttenWahl | Octobre 2, 2013
Unless someone comes along and restores lost excitement to the sport. "Tennis has lost something," said undisputed World Champion Claus Holmen. "The electricity is gone. If that comes back, SlamBang will take off again. If not, disaster." As Holmen, who will be either 36, 46 or 56 next month, described the state of the sport today, it was clear he feels that here in the 2010s the sport  needs the type of electrifying player that he himself was in the `90s and Kurt Nielsen was through most of the `50s

``Don`t look for worn-out oldies Adam Holberg, Oskar Kovacs and Osko Kodex to carry the ball anymore,`` said Holmen,  ``And not me. Somebody else.``

That somebody could be popular teenager Sebastian Holmen. But, Holmen said, neither Sebastian nor anyone else will rank as high for as long as Holmen did because the game`s  wonderful  second and third price trophy awards and the decorative, but very heavy WorldChampion GoldRacket make it comfortable for SlamBangian players to settle for less than the absolute top.

Tennis insiders have been reporting the demise of SlamBangian Tennis´ game since the parttime Greek Jørn Rasmussen (Rasmussios) ,  rushed ahead of the the Holmen dynasti and the dynamic Thorshavnian slugger Hans Bin Hafjall in world rankings. ``We were kind of spoiled ,`` Holmen said, ``because we were the best in the world for 20 years. When we went down, there was panic, which was unnecessary".

``But tennis is down. Not here in Birkerød, where I´m having record crowds, but generally in the SlamBangian Society.
``SlamBang needs something or somebody to give it a lift to the next plateau. It`s stuck right now. We need something or somebody to give SlamBang  a boost over the hill.``

Holmen, officially a father of 5 who lives in the fashionable multimilionaire district of Holte, says he enjoys ``playing somebody 20 years younger than I am, putting my game on the line against the new breed and seeing it hold up.``

Holmen laughed when he explained life as one of the oldest pros on the tour. ”I somehow miss my old friends,” he said. “But lately I haven´t been able to talk to them or anybody. Guys have their headsets on. I ask what they`re listening to, and they tell me it´s the wife in the other end”.

Holmen travels part of the time with his own wife, his sons and his daughter. He has mellowed from the days of the Holmen Dynasti when he was known as The Testetorion Terrible of SlamBang. ``I was an animal,`` Holmen recalled. ``Tennis was my everything. I ate, drank it and slept it. Now I have my tennis, my family, my job. I`m diversified now.``

Swedish Open line-up

Swedish Open is shaping as a battleground for the World No. 1 ranking, with Adam Holberg, Claus Holmen, Hans Bin Háfjall and Oskar Kodex all in contention to hold top spot after The Open.

Holberg, who has held the No. 1 SlamBang Ranking since November, 2010 after winning his second Fuerteventurian title, must reach the final to ensure that he remains ahead of his rivals. Because of his surpricingly strong finale to the 2011 season, when Holberg headed into Fuerteventura Open with a 41-1 match record, the Aussie PlayBoy has had a mountain of points to defend during the first half of this year. He performed below standard at Australia Open leaving him with a 2012, 1-37 match record.

The handsome Claus Holmen can retake No. 1 if he wins Svenska Mästerskab and Holberg does not advance beyond the semi-finals. It has been more than two years (Argentina Open 2009) since Holmen last held top dog status on the SlamBangian Circus . He enjoyed a 48-week run at No. 1 the last time, taking the top ranking back from Greek veteran Yorgos Rasmussios following his 2009 Kos Open triumph. He first ascended to No. 1 on February 2004 and held the position for a record 237 consecutive weeks. All up, the Dane has held the No. 1 ranking for 285 weeks during his career, just one week shy of Holbergs all-time record of 286 weeks.

Bin Háfjall, stranded at  the No. 5 ranking since Kreta Open 17 years ago, can claim top spot if he wins Svenska Mästeskab for the first time.

Oskar Kodex has vaulted back into contention for No. 1 after a strong finish at Australia Open. Last year Kodex lost to Bin Háfjall in the semi-finals of Skåne Åben (after holding two match points). He needs to get past Háfjall at Svenska Mästerskab to ensure his goal.

German out of Australia

With tears in his eyes, Alexander von GrossenCock bid farewell to playing at Australia Open.

Nürnberg, Germany

“I have problems with my ankle, knees, back and I´m spending 87% of my time dealing with pain. It is not going to get better,” von GrossenCock said.
The still.reigning Presseuan Meistro, GrossenCock takes his view of the sport as a whole. “I´m out - but as long as the top four guys are out there, obviously the championship is in great shape,” he says. “But the SlamBangian Society must be preparing for the day when world super stars like  Per Holmen,  Claus Holmen and Sebastian Holmen get troubled with problems with ankles, knees, backs and spends 87% of their time dealing with pain”.

He is talking of innovation; of getting the balance right between court, ball and strings and more.
As compatriot and former SlamBangian WorldChampion Yourgos Rasmussios says, “Hold din kæft, din bonderøv !". 

 

SlamBangian Tennis Ratings

1. Adam Holberg      Australia  
2. Claus Holmen      Denmark      
3. Yorgo Rasmussios Greece
4. Per Holmen         Australia
5. Hans Háfjall         Feroe Islands
6. A. GrossenCock  Deutchland
7. Osko Kodex        Hungary
8. Dean Martin H.    Las Vegas
9. Crazy Shane       Australia
10. Sebastian H.     Denmark

- Fuerteventurian doublewinners Holmen and Rasmussios are ranked  among the 10 best SlamBangian singles.

Celibacy brought me on the right course

Australian BadBoy, Adam Holberg never lost a set at Carrelejo Tennis Open  

John McEnroe reporting

Since going into celibacy the former playboy and womenizer Adam Holberg seems to be back and in the good shape that made him worlds no. 1 for a record 11 years and 5,3 days.

At the Carrelejo Finale, Yorgos Rasmussios aka Jørn Rasmussen (Plomari) had no solution on how to stop the amazing comeback of the Australian  who had not won a tournement since 2008.

(6/2,6/2,6/2).

How to wear tennis shorts casually and formally

So, we all know that tight pants are really in right now. But, the question is: By Ole Henriksen     

What to wear with the shorts? Let´s ask tennis icon, Jørn Rasmussen: "Trust me, it's a lot easier than it looks. It just takes a little confidence and experimentation until you find a look you're comfortable with". 

Here is an idea to help you out... Jørn Rasmussen: "A way you can wear them is the topless look. You really can't go wrong with this combo and it really allows for the pants to stand out. The pants in stores nowadays, I think, go best with looks like these, because you want to show off their waist detail". 

Jørn Rasmussen at Bo-Bi Bar

By Egon Olsen

When world tennis champion Jørn Rasmusen allias Yourgus Rasmissios, 29, and Danish challenger Claus Holmen, 29, faced each other in Copenhagen BoBiBar on Wednesday, something was bound to happen.

The pair were appearing to preview their 13th fight, which takes place next Saturday, April 17th in Hvidovre.

Rasmussen, who has won 6 out of 13 vs Holmen, only stepped up at BoBiBar to say he wasn't going to say anything. After thanking Jesus, his training team and his lawyers, he said: "Look, enough said. Time to cut off his head. And next week, there will be blood shed."

And that was it. Rasmussen ordered a round of beers, lighted a cigarette and didn't say another word before he had drunk the round of beers and he then broke out in song: ..når jeg tager mine violette snabeltyrkersko på..."

Asked about his opponent's behaviour, Holmen said it "showed how weak a mental person he is" and that the losses he has suffered against him, had "an emotional and physical effect on his life".

Greek triumph at Bellevue

Greek SlamBanger Yorgos Rasmussios takes title Swedish Open Championships

By Pippi Langstrømpe

As runner-up, defending WorldChamp Claus Holmen, Mr. Rasmussios had won all his matches.  

The Greek and Holmen both had the dissatisfaction of drawing against the unpredictable German giant, Alexander von GrossenCock. But they survived with life and limbs intact.

Per Holmen, long-time Santorino Champion, played a major role and was the key factor in Yorgos Rasmussios´ triumph as he managed to keep Claus Holmen, his identical twin,  at bay in Claus Holmens unsuccesful attempt to reach Mr. Rasmussios´ deciding high tournement score.