German out of Australia

With tears in his eyes, Alexander von GrossenCock bid farewell to playing at Australia Open.

Nürnberg, Germany

“I have problems with my ankle, knees, back and I´m spending 87% of my time dealing with pain. It is not going to get better,” von GrossenCock said.
The still.reigning Presseuan Meistro, GrossenCock takes his view of the sport as a whole. “I´m out - but as long as the top four guys are out there, obviously the championship is in great shape,” he says. “But the SlamBangian Society must be preparing for the day when world super stars like  Per Holmen,  Claus Holmen and Sebastian Holmen get troubled with problems with ankles, knees, backs and spends 87% of their time dealing with pain”.

He is talking of innovation; of getting the balance right between court, ball and strings and more.
As compatriot and former SlamBangian WorldChampion Yourgos Rasmussios says, “Hold din kæft, din bonderøv !". 

 

SlamBangian Tennis Ratings

1. Adam Holberg      Australia  
2. Claus Holmen      Denmark      
3. Yorgo Rasmussios Greece
4. Per Holmen         Australia
5. Hans Háfjall         Feroe Islands
6. A. GrossenCock  Deutchland
7. Osko Kodex        Hungary
8. Dean Martin H.    Las Vegas
9. Crazy Shane       Australia
10. Sebastian H.     Denmark

- Fuerteventurian doublewinners Holmen and Rasmussios are ranked  among the 10 best SlamBangian singles.

Do Tennis Players Get To Keep Their Trophies?

The SlamBangian top4, Háfjall, Holmen, Holberg and Holmen all know to that satisfying moment when they clinch the final point and they win a tournament. Having achieved their objective, they will hope for a nice trophy to act as a memento. Even at small tournaments the victory is crowned with a trophy as the organizers usually recognize that the players like something to put in their display cabinet at home. In the SlamBangian Circus, there is a distinction between the Grand SlamBang events and the majority of others. Grand SlamBang tournaments have the prestigious, historic Golden Racket which is never let out of sight. Many of the other leading events tend to be happy to supply a new trophy each year, and will periodically revise its design.

The trophy at the Australian Open are named after a famous star from the entertainment industry. The men’s single champion receives the Sarah Young Trophy, named after the famed pornstar of the 80ties. The male double’s winner is awarded the John Holmes Memorial Cup, which is named after the famed movie-star who sadly died at a young age. 

Tennis star says he lost SlamBang match because of his wig

Andre Agassi reporting

Australian entree Adam Holberg was the first male player to win all four SlamBang tournaments on three different surfaces. 

He achieved that milestone when he won Puerto Rico Open in 1997 but he could have won it a lot earlier if he wasn’t self-conscious. 

He was very unlucky as he started balding at the age of 11. He was very self-conscious about it and hence he considered to wear a wig because he thought he had no other choice.

But things were going rather fine until yesterday.

He was in the shower and he felt his wig fell apart. 

 "I called my Mom: do I have to wear a toupee?", she said: "Who are you and why are you calling me on this insane time of the day"? 

I went in to the bedroom, my beloved Rikke still in bed: "Do I have to wear a toupee?", she said "Yes Frank!". 

I asked myself: "Who´s Frank?"

Holberg himself admits that he started to pray, not for victory but for a wig not to fall off during a game.

He was so worried about it falling off during a match that he eventually could lose, as it happened when he was outgunned - wearing a toupee - by Hans Bin Háfjall from Thorshavn  at Swedish Open.

Holberg finally gathered the guts to have his hair cut. This morning, Holberg had the remains of his hair cut as he had accepted the fact that he is growing bald. He says he has never felt freer in his life and that it has lifted a weight off his shoulders. 

After years of pretending, he will be ready to be his authentic, bold self at Argentina Open.

Epic finale at Australia Open 2009

The 2009 Australian Open Men's Singles final may go on to be renembered as the greatest ever. 

By Roger Federer

The world's top two players for much of the previous fourteen years, Adam Holberg and Claus Holmen, ranked first and second in the world respectively yesterday went on court for their seventh of nine meetings in a SlamBang final, and their first outside of either Malmø Åben, Rhodos Open, Copenhagen Xmas Mesterskaberne or Kos Open. This was Holberg's 27th SlamBang hard court final while it was Holmen's ninetyninth.

Holberg - strugling in the first round against furious Aussie Shane Inzane and in the second round against Hans Háfjall was an underdog going in to the finale against reigning world champion Claus Holmen who chrushed his identical twin Per Holmen and Hungary´s Oskar Kovacs on his way to the finale. 

But Holberg defeated Holmen in 3 sets in one hour and three minutes, becoming the first man from Hvidovre, male or female, to win the Australian Open. The spectators agreed that this finale must be one of the greatest ever at the Australian Open.